My Intimacy Is Not Your Intimacy

Lovers have to find ways to get intimacies to align
Lovers have to find ways to get intimacies to align
Image Credit: Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

When we are trying to seduce our partner once again, we often have a goal in mind. We’ll know that we’ve been successful in seducing them if we can find a way to get them into bed. Fantastic – I like having a clearly stated goal just as much as the next person. Umm, however, there may be a problem here. The problem pops up when you think that the way that you see the world is the same way that your partner sees the world. In order to seduce them, they have to eventually want to be seduced. In order to get them into bed, they eventually want to get into bed. What are you going to do if they don’t see the world the way that you do?

Just Exactly What Is Seduction?

So what we seem to be dealing with here is a misalignment of expectations. As the seducer in this relationship, it’s going to be up to you to get things straightened out. In all honesty, you are probably going to struggle to change your partner’s mind. What this means for you is that you’ll probably have to significantly change your mind and perhaps change their mind just a little bit. Don’t worry – it turns out that all of this can be done fairly easily.

Ok, so let’s take a look at what your goal was: to seduce your partner and get them into bed. That’s a fine and noble goal, but if it’s not what they want to do then your chances of being successful are probably slim to none. What we’re going to have to do here is to back things up a bit, get to the core of what you want to have happen, and then once again move things forward and see how we can make that come about. So let’s get to the heart of the matter: what you are looking for is an orgasmic release. Fair enough, you’d like your partner to pleasure you until you reach a climax. That whole bed thing was just you’re initial thinking about where you wanted this to happen. The problem with that is that your bed may hold a lot of emotion for your partner that they are not willing to deal with right now. That means your chances of achieving your climax just got taken down a notch.

This is where your thinking is going to have to undergo some adjustments. Yes, we understand what you wanted. However, let’s agree that unless something magical happens (and that happens all too infrequently) things are probably not going to unfold the way that you want them to. This means that you need to come up with a different plan of seduction. Instead of thinking exclusively about what you want, you need to spend some time thinking about what your partner wants. That’s right: you’ve got to see the world from their point-of-view. It’s only by starting to do this that you’ll begin to see just exactly how you are going to be able to successfully get their attention so that they can be seduced by you.

How To Align Your View Of Seduction With Your Partners

There is no way that you can get your view of the world to line up with your partner’s unless you take the time to talk with them. Yes, you guessed it – once again communication is the key to seduction success. So you know what you want, now you have to take the time to talk with your partner and find out how they view what you want. As always, if they get excited about what you are thinking about, then you are almost there – it will really just be a matter of execution. However, if you get push back from them as you start to present your idea, then you’ve got some work to do.

So let’s think about how this could play out. You approach your partner and let them know that you are “in the mood” and you’d like to spend some intimate time with them tonight. Their reaction to this statement is going to be key. If they don’t show the same level of interest as you, you have a new task. You need to find out why they are not as interested. It will probably turn out to be that they have something that is occupying their thoughts: work issues, family issues, problems with friends, issues with money, the list goes on and on. Your seduction will not be able to be accomplished as long as their thoughts are focused on their problems. When you discover that they have issues, you need to immediately adjust your timeframe – let’s face it, it’s not going to happen tonight.

When your partner is preoccupied and doesn’t share your view of the world, you need to change your view so that it matches their view. Their problems have to become your problems and you need to work with them to find a solution. This is where the communication comes in. Talk through the issue. Identify steps that they can take to resolve whatever it is that is bothering them. Then support them as they put the plan into action. If it’s problems in the workplace, have them talk with someone. If it’s problems with a friend, let them have the friend over to talk. No matter what the solution is, support them and allow them to take steps to resolve it. For you see, once they’ve gotten this issue taken care of and it’s no longer weighing on their mind, they can once again turn their attention to you and providing you with the release that you have so desperately been seeking…

– Dr. J.

Question For You: When your partner has an issue that they are concerned about, should you push them to resolve it quickly or allow them to take their time?

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